EP.15 - Embracing Fear and Failure
SHOW NOTES:
Anxiety brings a powerful energy that can be difficult to manage.
It can make you doubt your worth, your ability to start something new, and your capacity to succeed.
So how do you navigate this energy and use it to your advantage?
Lean into and embrace your anxieties and fears. Give them the attention they deserve and break down what each of them truly means to you.
Are they true? Do they exist right now? And if they are true, what’s the worst that can happen?
By being curious with your anxieties, you can tap into the wisdom that's locked within them, and use that to refine and improve your life.
Here are the key takeaways from this episode:
2:21 - Anxiety can build up because of low self-worth and feeling like you don’t deserve the good things in life
3:06 - When experiencing anxiety of not being worthy, ask yourself “What do I deserve?”
5:00 - Get intimate with failure because failure is feedback
6:09 - Look for how things can be better over what went wrong,
6:45 - It’s not about the start and the end, but the journey and process in between
9:23 - When you're anxious, ask yourself, “Is this true? Is this for me? And if this is true, and this is for me, what is the very worst that could happen?”
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I help you lead with fearless authenticity by smashing the self-imposed heteronormative stereotypes that keep you playing small through emotional healing inner child and inherited intergenerational trauma. Create a purposeful life of your unique design by disrupting societal norms and expectations of who you should be. Explore mindfulness, fearless curiosity and loving kindness through the lens of Human Design to thrive as the person you are born to be.
Learn more about my coaching method and join my emotional healing, mindfulness, and music community at melissaindot.com.
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TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00]
A total failure, and the whole point is that we don't push away these thoughts and these feelings. Instead, we lean into them and give them the attention that they are, oh, so deserving and worthy of. Because when we give them attention, then we get to really listen in for the wisdom that's locked in them. Break down what is failure to you. What does it look and feel like? What happens beyond failure? Because the truth is failure is feedback.
[00:00:30]
Hey there. Welcome to the Fearlessly Curious Podcast, your safe space to listen, lean in, and learn the diversity of human experiences through the lens of fearless curiosity. When we learn more about each other, we also learn more about ourselves. How? Because when we listen to each other's curiosities and experiences, we relate to that which has been common, and that which sets us apart, gives us something to reflect on. We learn through and with each other. I'm grateful to you, the global community, for your curious questions. The Fearlessly Curious Podcast cannot exist without you.
[00:01:17]
Hello, Hello, hello, this is Melissa Indot and I am the host of the Fearlessly Curious Podcast. It's so wonderful to have you join us today for episode 15. This is part two of a two-part series and the topic is Can Anxiety be a Superpower? If you haven't heard part one, don't worry. There's some really, really important and powerful prompts here to help you navigate anxiety, help you leverage on that energy, the powerful energy that anxiety can create within you to move you through the very anxiety that's keeping you from doing what it is that you need, you want, you desire, you're excited to do. Alright, let's get started. Through my own personal experience of anxiety and learning about how to navigate it through my own
[00:02:06]
body and getting super curious with anxiety, getting super curious with my fears, some common questions have come up. I'm also doing this because I'm highly inspired by the amazing clients that I get to work with, who are so courageous to share their anxieties and fears with me. Anxiety can build up before taking an action or allowing yourself to have a wonderful experience in life because we have a very low self-worth.
[00:02:32]
I can work really, really, really hard for something, and then I feel like I deserve it because I put in all that effort. But sometimes when somebody just gives me something or goes out of their way to help me, often that can bring up a sense of undeservingness, where I'm afraid that someone is gonna offer to do something for me for nothing.
[00:02:52]
There's this dissonance, there's this gap between what I feel I'm worthy of and what I can receive. So what tends to happen is I end up saying no to a lot of things because I feel like I don't deserve it, that I'm not good enough. So the question is quite simply, what do you deserve? I know when I've asked myself that, it's really made me stop and think because what I feel I deserve are often my pillars, my highest values in life.
[00:03:19]
I do deserve freedom because it's also something that it's very important for me to ensure I give other people freedom. I truly believe that I deserve love, and that's because I believe everything and everyone deserves love. One more thing, I believe people deserve another chance, an opportunity to try again.
[00:03:43]
When I go back to my anxiety and my fear of not being worthy, I've just quelled cause I'm so strong in my beliefs and my values as I do not doubt for one second you are as well. We become so hyper focused on what we don't deserve. We've lost focus on what we do deserve, and it's not what we believe we deserve for ourselves.
[00:04:03]
I hope that prompt helps. It's an important question to help navigate that anxiety of not feeling you're good enough and therefore you don't feel like you deserve anything. Fear of failure. I'm afraid I'm gonna fail, be so debilitating, so afraid of failure, you won't bother doing it at all. And maybe you let someone down or maybe you end up saying the wrong thing because you are only focused on the wrong thing, the very worst thing you could possibly do to fail.
[00:04:25]
And because you're hyper-focused, you end up doing it. So if you fear failing, then I would ask yourself quite simply what it is that you need to do to succeed? And I think, and the more important question is, what would it mean to fail? And what will happen if you fail? Run the process. So rather than it be an unknown in compounds with another anxiety of the fear of the unknown, why don't you focus on what you do know, broaden your awareness on that, do your research, get your data, and as an extension of that anxiety falling into the belief that you are already a failure, and that's why nothing can be of any success whatsoever.
[00:05:00]
Then what we wanna do is we wanna get intimate with failure. And I know it sounds scary, it may sound hard, but I've done it many, many times and I still do it. Sometimes I record a podcast episode and I'm like, oh my God, that was awful. Right? Or like one day after the recent podcast episode has dropped and I'm like, oh, I've had three downloads.
[00:05:18]
I'm a total failure. Of course, we're all gonna feel that. And the whole point is that we don't push away these thoughts and these feelings. Instead, we lean into them. And give them the attention that they are all so deserving and worthy of. Because when we give them attention, then we get to really listen in for the wisdom that's locked in them.
[00:05:36]
If you're afraid of failure, then my invitation to you is to break down what is failure to you. What does it look and feel like? What happens beyond failure? Because the truth is failure is feedback. And if you haven't heard that phrase, then Encourage you to note that down. Failure is feedback, it's information, it's data.
[00:05:55]
Another brilliant quote, “the devil is in the detail.” So if you fail, you've got a whole bunch of data. Go and research that data. Look at exactly what you did. What was your system? What was your train of action? Train of thoughts. The devil is in the details. Look for what can be better, not why it went wrong, but what can be better.
[00:06:15]
Collect the data, improve, and then implement. So failure then becomes an incredible experiment that is rich in information and wisdom for you to take forward and continue to refine. It's too late for me to get a degree. It's too late for me to write that book. It's too late for me to. Starting that business too late for me to learn how to play an instrument.
[00:06:39]
I'm too late because maybe we have an unconscious concept of when we do something or we learn something, we have to learn it perfectly. But it's not about the end. It's not about the destination. It's about the process of learning. It's about the process of trying. The process of doing, the process of being, rather than focus on the starting and the ending.
[00:06:56]
Focus on what's in between, what's in the middle. That's where the fun is. That's where the enjoyment is. That's where the wisdom is. So you're never too late. Just start because the joy in the adventure comes in the process, not at the beginning and not at the end in the process. So when you are scared of doing something or being something, or acting or taking something up, focus on what's in between the start and the end.
[00:07:21]
Focus on the journey and anyway, you are too late according to whose timeline? If you're 50 years old and you think it's too late to go to university, who said? If you are 30 and you think it's too late to be an Olympic swimmer, it doesn't mean you can't learn how to swim, or you can't focus and put a commitment to training like a professional athlete.
[00:07:43]
It's never too late. Whose timeline are you on anyway? And what is it that you really want to do? What is it that you're really afraid of? So focus on the timeline. Focus on the journey, and finally, I'm not ready to start. I'm not ready to end. I'm not ready to change. I'm not ready. I'm just not ready. The timing isn't right.
[00:08:01]
I'm not prepared. I'm not mature enough. I'm not ready. I'm not fit enough. I'm not ready. I'm not slim enough. I'm not bulky enough. I'm not tall enough. I'm not small enough. We're focusing once again on what we don't have right now. It doesn't mean we can't have it in the future. We're focusing on what we don't have right now, rather than focusing on what we do have right now.
[00:08:22]
Add to it, build on that, do that, nourish that, love that, focus on that. All right, my friends. I hope you've enjoyed that episode. Part two of How Can Anxiety Be a Superpower? Some prompts that help you move through anxiety. To shift the trajectory of the powerful energy that anxiety can have and switch it over to give you momentum in a direction that's going to be supportive for you.
[00:08:52]
Another great tool is to listen to music, and if you head over to my YouTube channel, if you head over to my Spotify channel, you'll find a playlist call Music for Emotional Healing and Mindfulness, and I invite you to listen to the playlist, dive into it. You might find one in particular song that you'd like to put on repeat that helps you navigate your anxiety.
[00:09:12]
And in closing, if you are a fearlessly curious person, which I'm assuming you are, cuz you're here on this podcast, then there are prompts that could help you at any moment. When you're anxious, ask yourself, is this true? Is this for me? And if this is true, and this is for me, what is the very worst that could happen?
[00:09:33]
And if I didn't have this belief, if I didn't have this anxiety or fear, what would happen? What do I have to gain from focusing on the best outcome? And now, what is true? Right now. What is the only thing that is true right now? And that sums it up.
[00:09:51]
So my friends, thank you again. Hope you enjoyed part two of how anxiety can be a superpower, and I look forward to all your feedback. Keep those DMs coming, keep those comments coming and join the community. But until then, stay fearlessly curious. Bye-bye.
[00:10:14]
If you want more, make sure to subscribe so you never miss a new episode every Friday. And please leave a review if you enjoy this episode. Don't forget to send me your curious questions and experiences as inspiration for future episodes. Your anonymity will be respected if that's what you prefer. For more guidance and support, join my emotional healing, mindfulness, and music community over at melissaindot.com. See you next week.
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