EP : S02E05 - Finding Self-Worth & Creating Abundance: A Step-by-Step Approach

Show Notes

Did you know focusing on lack and what’s missing in your life is a major block to abundance.

In this episode I discuss how to overcome Abundance Blockages. I provide a simple and immediately actionable strategy & Structured Steps for Self-Validation bringing self awareness to empower your inner resources.

Focusing on the skills you have inspires forward movement, quietens anxiety and self doubt, nourishes self worth, motivates you to keep going and amplifies abundance.

We explore the emotional barriers to creating abundance, specifically the reliance on external validation from masculine figures like a father.

I provide a detailed strategy to overcome this fear by writing down needs, categorising them, and taking actionable steps to meet these needs independently.

The structured approach emphasises the importance of clarity, structure, and gradual progress, highlighting how these efforts can lead to a sense of accomplishment and self-validation.

I encourage the client to start small and integrate these practices into their lives, acknowledging personal growth and the shift from scarcity to abundance mindset.

Here are the highlights from this episode:

00:24 - Identifying the Fear of Abundance

00:50 - The Importance of Writing Down Needs

01:07 - Creating Focus and Structure

01:32 - Action Steps for Abundance

02:37 - Revisiting Unmet Needs

04:27 - Shifting Perspective on Parental Support

06:26 - Practical Steps for Self-Validation

07:39 - Conclusion: Taking Small Steps

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About Me:

I help you lead with fearless authenticity by smashing the self-imposed heteronormative stereotypes that keep you playing small through emotional healing inner child and inherited intergenerational trauma. Create a purposeful life of your unique design by disrupting societal norms and expectations of who you should be. Explore mindfulness, fearless curiosity and loving kindness through the lens of Human Design to thrive as the person you are born to be.

Learn more about my coaching method and join my emotional healing, mindfulness, and music community at melissaindot.com.

TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00]

[00:00:01] Melissa: How can I support you?

[00:00:02] Client: I have a lot of fear around creating abundance on my own. If I don't have the support of the masculine energy I feel lost and unable to move forward. if I don't have my Dad's validation, It's like I'm not worthy of receiving abundance. It makes me anxious. I have the tools to create abundance for myself but how do I overcome the fear. I second guess myself.

[00:00:50] Melissa: To me you're very clear. Write down what you need from a masculine energy perspective. . The thing is when we don't write things down, they just float around in our head and then we get overwhelmed. That's how anxiety starts because we just don't have clarity.

[00:01:02] That feminine flow, the ideas, the inspiration. The masculine is focus and structure. So you provide the focus and structure for yourself. By writing down what it is that you need in order for your abundance to flow.

[00:01:19] Flow is far more productive when we flow within a container. What I'm hearing is you're lacking the container. You're lacking the focus and structure. So you create the container by writing it down. Then you have clarity. Bullet point what you need for abundance to flow. Once you see it in front of you, you can do it in a column. First acknowledge which of those needs You can meet for yourself.

[00:01:45] Once you've gone through that, you've done your yes, no, yes, no, extract the yeses. In a new list. Look at the first need that you know, you can fulfill and write down what is the first action you can take to meet that need.

[00:02:00] This is focus and structure, literally step by step, breaking it down into Lego blocks. When you feel complete with that first one. And when I say complete, it means you've gone as far as you can. Then you go to the next one. You make another list. You extract from that list, the ones that look complete. Start taking action on the ones, you know, you can complete. Start there because it's all about reward, creating structure, getting clarity of what your needs you can meet , the action steps you can take, and then taking the action. Cause then you get the dopamine hit the reward. Once that's done,

[00:02:38] you now have a list of needs, you cannot meet. Go to that list. Rewrite it clean, copy and pasting the ones where Originally, you thought you believed you couldn't meet that need.

[00:02:54] Now I'm pretty damn sure you're going to have more clarity. You rewrite everything that you originally couldn't meet the need of, review it and ask yourself again, can I meet this need? And then do the same. Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. Extract the yeses each one by one go, what action can I take now? And then take the action and then you go back again to whatever's left over.

[00:03:14] Now, all that being said, when we get to the level where you have a final list of all the things you feel you cannot meet the need of, now, you know what to ask for. You have clarity as to what kind of support you need, a better idea of who to go to. Oh, a digital marketer. Oh, a finance advisor. Right now it's just a bundle of confusion, which is overwhelming. And we're afraid to take a step because it might be the wrong one. So the practice here is to get clarity on what you can do and do that first.

[00:03:45] Focus, structure, flow within the structure. And a sense of accomplishment, which in and of itself is motivating.

[00:03:56] Client: That is true.

[00:03:58] Melissa: You just needed a strategy. You can give the focus and structure to yourself. You just need to break it down.

[00:04:05] If in a month's time you have any questions, I'm there for you. Just reach out to me.

[00:04:10] Client: But it feels overwhelming now just doing this structure.

[00:04:14] Melissa: Tell me why it's overwhelming.

[00:04:15] Client: I feel I can't complete the structure and this gives me anxiety.​

[00:04:20] Melissa: You don't have the structure yet. You have the strategy. Now go and implement the strategy.

[00:04:25] Remember when we want a different outcome, we've got to change our strategy. If you're in a negative loop right now, which is I need this from my dad, he can't give it to me.

[00:04:32] and then you're just focusing on all the things that he can't give to you. Of course, that's going to build up anxiety. The act is in writing all the things down that you need. You're, the language is changing. It's not , these are the things my dad can't give me.

[00:04:46] You're not coming from lack. If you're coming from lack, that's already the opposite of abundance.

[00:04:51] And that's okay if we need things from our parents, it's okay. But the thing is, you haven't even explored really with clarity, whether or not some of these things you can give to yourself. When we're searching for something externally and we're not getting it.

[00:05:09] That is an opportunity and invitation to give it to ourselves, acknowledging that first. Go from this is what I need and just literally write it down. Get out of your head. Dad is this, he's letting me down. And then we get into that whole narrative. When we're focusing on lack, there may be things that your dad is saying and doing that you're not even seeing or hearing or feeling because your view is limited, your view is in scarcity.

[00:05:36] So you're only going to see all the ways that he's not showing up.

[00:05:40] Client: When you have to do things on your own because you're an adult now

[00:05:44] Melissa: Forget about being an adult. We're just big kids, figuring out this adventure of life. Look at yourself as a big kid, but also look as your dad is a big kid, just because they're our parents and they're older than us and wiser than us in some areas.

[00:05:58] They're also still just trying to figure stuff out. And if dad can't give it, then there's going to be somebody out there that can start with getting clear on the needs that you can meet for yourself as a big kid.

[00:06:13] You start to see yourself, you start to acknowledge yourself. You're actually in the practice of validating yourself. You're shifting your field of view, and you're going to start noticing the ways that other people are validating you that you missed before.

[00:06:27] Start! I'm going to hold you accountable.

[00:06:31] Don't make this like a big task.

[00:06:33] Spend just 10 minutes a day.

[00:06:35] Journal it, just write it down. What's the first few things that come up, write it down and then put it away.

[00:06:40] Next time you go back to it, go, okay, which of these can I meet? Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. Put it away. Next time you come to it, you do the next stage, right? Okay. Extract the yeses. What's the action I can take now, write it all down, put it away. Next day, come back to it.

[00:06:57] Take the first one. What's the action I can take? Take that one action, one action, acknowledge that sense of accomplishment. Take your time. Cause you've spent days, weeks, months, years in scarcity and you want to entrain you want, you're teaching yourself. And the best way we teach ourselves is by doing and by doing in small steps.

[00:07:23] Steps, giving your body the space to take it in, to integrate it stage by stage, little snippets.

[00:07:33] You're moving from the doing to actually being, you're literally rewiring every cell in your body. You're going to start tomorrow, but you're going to start with the first step only.

[00:07:43] And you're going to give yourself a time. It's not a limit. It's a boundary.

[00:07:48] That is the foundational elements that you feel you're already lacking, you're giving yourself already.

[00:07:54] Remember, take your time. We're not on linear time. And you're rewiring. Conditioning, you're rewiring, trauma. We don't need to dig all that up. you know what you want.

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